let them.

sit back and stop talking.

they need to figure out how to put this puzzle together without your form looming over their unsure shoulders. they want to try this alone, work it out in their head with their mouths pursed and pushed off to the left of their faces. they want their curious and driven brain to push and turn the pieces into one empty shape or another over and over. they want to take their time and think it through, the process you explained and showed to them for so many years. let them try.

let their neurons shoot off firework sized sparks of intense joy and accomplishment when everything finally, quietly clicks into place because you sat back beside them, behind them or in front of them and let them use the resources you provided the way they needed to to make all of those pieces, out of order and confused, make sense to them. alone.

you held their hands for so long and explained to them which colors and sizes to look for, how to divide all of those tiny and intimidating pieces in order to conquer the whole. and they listened. they listened to you and watched you and let the words and ideas sink into their skin right down to their bones until it was time to try it alone.

and you sat back and stopped talking and let them grow up beside you, in front of you. alone.

everyone is watching you.

wear something nice today. something you've been saving for a "special occasion". and wear it all day, no matter what you do.

wear it even if you walk a mile to work because you can always wear comfortable walking shoes to your job and take a pair those nice shoes with you. it's not about the compliments you'll get at work, because you will most definitely get many compliments from your coworkers, or the prisoners who do lawn maintenance at the state capitol building that you have to pass on your way to and from work, or the baristas at the coffee shop where you get your morning and afternoon iced teas. it's not about the second glances with soft smiles that strangers will give you, or the way the fabric of your clothing seduces your skin, giving you the all-over glow of a person who loves their life. it's not about any of that.

change your routine. switch it up on people. everyone is watching you.

stop reading this and go outside.

go outside today and get some sun on your pale skin, after you apply sun block so that you won't burn. spread a blanket out, lay on your back. wear your sunglasses, take a magazine to read when you're done watching the birds fly overhead or the ever-changing clouds rapidly pass by, and a large bottle of water because it's pretty hot out today and i worry about you not drinking enough water as it is.

just lay there. feel the wind rush over the hair on your arms, over your kneecaps, your toes. close your eyes. listen to every little thing around you - the sound of that wind shaking the leaves of the privacy hedge next door, the song of the birds in the branches of the tall oak tree to your left, engines and tires, kids on their bikes across the street. if your water bottle blows over, leave it. if the corners of the blanket beneath you get tossed up and over you, leave it. you are busy. you are describing to yourself the sounds of your neighborhood.

stay outside. listen to life happening outside.